joy in simplicity.

As I was walking my dog this afternoon I started thinking, which tends to be what I normally do when I'm walking the dog, or cleaning the bathroom. Don't ask me why it's just those to things, but but those are normally the times when I reflect on my life up to this point.

I was thinking about the past year or so of my life, and the things that I've accomplished. This time last year, I was getting ready to test so I would be able to take classes to get my GED. I documented part of my GED journey last fall. You can catch up on it here. In the beginning I saw it as a death sentence. It was the last thing on Earth that I really wanted to do with my time. I knew I had to muddle my way through my classes, hours of math, and the many headaches that were collected along the way. It was the only way I could carry on into the next stage of my life. Through doing so I learned a lot about myself. I went from looking at it as the worst possible thing that could have happened to me, to looking at it as a blessing. I learned that I could believe in myself, that I could be proud of myself and my accomplishments, and that I could actually finish something.

That brings me to my next point. When I was in 11th grade, I became a home school student. School was crazy for me, and the only option I had left was to take all of my classes online. I had absolutely no motivation to get through it, and didn't really care about my classes at all. I knew my teachers would give me a second, third, and fourth chance to turn my work in, even after it was weeks late. This resulted in me finishing my last high school class in February of 2009. My GPA dropped significantly because of my lack of effort, and then I procrastinated on getting things squared away with my GED (I didn't get a high school diploma with the program I took my classes through). At some point in the mess that was my last two year of high school I quit colorguard. I don't know why. I just did. I had quit everything that I was ever good at. Ballet, swing dancing, colorguard, my last summer job. The little voice in my head kept telling me that I could never finish anything. That I wasn't good enough. That I wasn't smart enough. Well, little did I know, that all changed when I set foot in that classroom last October.

In early March I got a phone call from a camp that I had applied at, informing me that I got the job, and that I was to report to them on June 6th. At this point in time I was still had not received my high school diploma, but I was close to crossing the finish line. In late April I took my test, but wasn't expected to get my results for another 8-10 weeks. By the time I got them I was already in Minnesota, at camp, and knee deep in all of its campiness (I know that's not a word, but whatever!). I passed. I finally had a high school diploma...two years late. Better late than never, right? Right. As I went through my Minnesota summer I was skeptical. After my experience the summer before, I just wanted it to be better, and I wanted to finish it out. Two and a half months came and went and I finished that, too.

I sit here today, almost a year after I started taking classes for my GED, confident. Confident in my abilities to succeed, believing in myself and what I'm capable of, and ready to take on the next four years of my life. I'm 7 weeks into my first semester of college, and sometimes I still hear that little voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough to do this, but then I remind myself of why I'm going to college in the first place. The end result will be worth the hours that I spend locked up in my room doing homework or studying. Knowing what I know today about myself, and my accomplishments, I have enough belief in myself to know that I can get through this just fine. I wouldn't be where I am today had I not walked through those doors last October. Thanks be to God who walked by my side, and replaced the negative voice in my head with his still small voice. Thanks be to God.