looking back on 2010.

As I sit here to write this, I can't help feel a sense of sadness well up inside me. It was such a great year, which is what makes it a little hard to say goodbye to 2010. It was a year closing doors and opening new ones, conquering fears, realizing that I'm capable of much more than I ever thought I would be, seeing what I'm made of, and finding out what I'm made for. I can see God's hand throughout every detail of my life this past year. Even when I failed Him. He never walked away. If anything, He picked me up and told me to keep following Him. He showed me that I had a whole lot more to give. To others, to myself, but most of all, to Him. This year I learned that my work done here on Earth is not mine at all. It is completely His. My best form of worship to God is to serve Him, and give all of the credit to God at the end of each day. I'd like to think that I picked up my cross pretty fearlessly and followed Him through out the year. Atleast I hope so. I can only pray that I did so. Three big things happened in my life this year, so I'll share them.
In October of 2009 I started taking classes for to get my GED, and finished those classes in April of this year. I took my test and did way better than I ever could have hoped to do. After three and a half long years I finally received my high school diploma. I feel like the day I found out I was a high school graduate was the day that I realized I was no longer a child. That I had new tools on my belt to help me through life, and use the gifts that I've been given by God. That was a great day.

On June 5th, 2010 I hopped on an airplane at Orlando International Airport to fly to Minnesota for two and a half months. There was a lot of mental and spiritual preparation for this. In the summer of 2009 I worked at a camp for 5 weeks, but couldn't finish my time there. I was very broken the last half of last year. I felt betrayed, and slightly alone. I felt as if I was still being called to camp ministry, though. Specifically Minnesota. I wasn't sure of where exactly, but I just knew that I had my sights set on The Land of 10,000 Lakes. Throughout January of 2010 I could feel the stirrings of something big that was about to take place in my heart and soul. God was preparing me, and I knew it. It was a time of a lot of prayer, meditation, and trust. I knew that I had to trust that whatever God had planned for me this summer was going to be exactly what He wanted it to be. It was the only thing I had to fall back on. In February I did a phone interview, but I didn't hear anything back. I was almost ready to give up hope, but my mom encouraged me to call them to check the status of my application. My mom is so wise. That day I found out that I got the job. From that moment on I knew that God's hand was in this. His fingerprint was painted all over it. The day I received the money for my plane ticket I was able to find a roundtrip ticket for a little over 200 dollars - with $2.00 to spare in my bank account. I was so ready to go, but I was also so afraid. It was a big leap of faith to go over 2,000 miles away from home for 2 1/2 months. It was what I needed, though. I learned how to be an independent adult. I learned that I can live out from under my Mom's wing, and that I can do it successfully. I learned a lot about myself as a person, I found out who I am in Christ, what I can and can't handle, and I also learned that I can live a little. I don't have to be so uptight all the time. I mean, I went cliff diving! Who does that?!

A week after I got home from my Minnesota summer adventure I started up my very first semester of college. I finished my first semester a couple of weeks ago with a C, two B's, and an A. I know, that without the experiences that I've had in the past year and a half I wouldn't be where I am right now. I wouldn't have made it through my first semester of college. I probably would have felt worthless and given up, just like I've done so many other times in my life. I know now that I am good enough, that I am worthy of a good grade, and that I deserve it. I can be proud of my accomplishments, and I'm not so afraid of success. I don't have to set myself up for failure anymore, because I know that I'm not a failure. Yeah, maybe I had to get my GED to realize this, and maybe it took a year and a half to get to the point I'm at now. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I can clearly see that I was supposed to do these things for a reason, and I'm so glad I did.

I'm so excited to see what 2011 has in store for me. Bring it on!