how i'm feeling.

I've been trying to remember I felt around this time last year.
One week before I left home.
I can't remember, though.

I guess I thought leaving home for a few months a second time would be easier, but honestly, I might be just as scared as I was the first time. When I found out that I was going back I thought the whole thing would be a piece of cake. Wrong! I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for the past month or so. Reminding myself of the extreme exhaustion that takes place at camp, the frustration, the thing that aren't so glamorous about the job, so it doesn't come as a shock to me when I get there. I remember how much effort it took to walk up those stairs at the end of the summer. I remember the muscles that hurt in places I didn't even know I had muscles! I remember the bruises that I was covered in from head to toe. The campers that test you in every way imaginable. I remember the things that are less glamorous.

But I also remember the more glamorous side of the job, too.
(Yeah, right...camp is glamorous? ;-)

The lives that you can see being changed right before your eyes. The laughter that you share with your fellow counselors. Experiencing a campers first time away from home with them. Receiving letters from home, and knowing that people are caring about and thinking of you. Watching your cabin become one for a week, and watching your campers look out for each other. When a camper gets 'it'. The excitement on the campers faces when they arrive at camp on Sunday. The excitement on your face when they leave on Friday. (Not to be confused with unglamorousness.) Weekends of rest, laughter and adventure. Getting to live life in such a beautiful place. The starry nights. The sound of the lake as you walk across camp. The quietness of it all in the morning. The sunset over the lake every night and how it's like a canvas.

I suppose I have more to look forward to than to fear, and I know it's where I'm supposed to be, but it's always nice to be reminded that you can't get too comfortable. You can't take things for granted, and you should never rely on yourself.

I know this summer won't be the same as last. It will be its own in its own unique way. Because of that, I know that I will learn new things from the trials and triumphs I go through, the people I meet, and the things I experience. I'm so grateful that I get to embark on this good adventure one last time, but I'm also grateful that I have one more week left at home. I will cherish and treasure every second of my time here, and I will get around to packing. Eventually...