Interpretating "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis.

**This was for an assignment I wrote for my literature class. Please, if you do not completely agree with something that I am saying here, let all of our discussions point back to God in the end. Thank you.** 

1.

In C.S. Lewis’s “A Grief Observed” he is writing through his own personal hellish pain and grief as a result of losing the love of his life. Through Lewis’s grieving he is asking hard questions about the goodness of God, and how He could remain pure, noble, and true if He has the power to take away the people who are closest to us. Lewis writes about the characteristics of God from a different perspective and scope than we are all used to. C.S. Lewis said that God has the characteristics that all living and breathing human beings “regard as bad: unreasonableness, vanity, vindictiveness, injustice, cruelty.” C.S. Lewis also talks about the depravity that is within all people that makes these hard characteristics of God look like “blacks”. Lewis says that it is not that they are actually blacks, but “our depravity that makes them look black to us.”

2.

To begin with, this part of C.S. Lewis’s “A Grief Observed” was quite perplexing to me as I read it for the first time. Not so perplexing that makes it so I cannot understand it, but perplexing in the sense that is it theologically deep. What C.S. Lewis is saying is understandable once it is read the first time through, but it seems as though a little bit more attention needs to be called to what C.S. Lewis is trying to say to the reader, and quite possibly, what he is saying to himself as the writer. When C.S. Lewis writes about some characteristics that God possesses as being “bad”, it seems as though it may be mandatory for the reader to stop for a while and look at the God of the universe through a different lens.

3.

This excerpt is about being called to look at God through a different lens. It is true that God is good, loving and sovereign. However, I believe that C.S. Lewis is calling us to look past all of the magical and mystical qualities of God and see Him as a being that is truly all powerful who holds the ability to unleash His wrath upon His people. Beyond that, C.S. Lewis is challenging us to not see these qualities of God as negative, but rather, to look at them as qualities that are still good, noble, and true.

          
As human beings we cannot fathom qualities such as “unreasonableness, vanity, vindictiveness, injustice, cruelty” as qualities that God could possess. We struggle to wrap our minds around the possibility that God holds these qualities in his hands. We have always been taught in Sunday school and in church that God is good, and that he always has our best interest in mind. Our brains have been trained to view God as a being that can only bring good things to His followers. Perhaps this is why, when something “bad” happens, believers struggle to believe that this could possibly be from the hands of God. When we experience any sort of tragedy in our own lives we automatically turn to God – not for help. Instead, we cry out to God and shake our fist at the sky and utter this question, “How could you do this? Why?” We take our heartbreak and blame the God of the universe for our pain. All of our beliefs about God being a good God are flipped and we begin questioning if God is even there.

           

 Perhaps, it is due to our Sunday school teachings on the goodness of God that cause us to see God this way, at least in part. As human beings, we’ve always grown to know that if someone loves us they will show us through kindness and tenderness. Not through taking loved ones from our lives or cruelty from people we have always believed loved us. C.S. Lewis says that our depravity is what causes us to see “whites” as “blacks”, which is what causes us to view the grief in our lives as bad. It may not be until we see Jesus face to face that we will be able to fully understand this in full, but it might do us some good to try and view God through a different lens than what we have always known.

4.

The details in the text that point to the reading I have just given include C.S. Lewis’s musings on the possibility of humans viewing God as a being with characteristics that are viewed as “bad” as an excuse to completely write God off. This directs us back to our depravity, and our inability to view God as a being who possesses characteristics that could potentially hinder us on purpose. Not only that, but it also shows us that we have this one sided view of God in our minds and that we are practically incapable of getting past this one specific viewpoint of God. We want to know in our hearts and in our minds that God is and always has been good, and that he would never do anything to harm us. If we decided to give our lives to a God who was wrathful and cruel, would we really want to be associated with a being who possesses these qualities? I am not so sure.

5.

What does this mean for us as the readers? I think it is important that we become aware of our attitudes toward who we say God is and who we believe God to be. It is simple to go to God with our problems, but when something in our lives goes haywire we reject the goodness of God. Maybe viewing God differently than what we have always known may do us some good, and might help us to understand the work of God in our lives. Not only that, but it may help us to grieve better, and to trust God’s presence in our lives better. It may teach us to not put God in a box. Instead, we can learn and keep in mind that God is a very powerful being. He has the power to drop a hurricane in the ocean, and he has the power to take loved ones from us. This does not discount His goodness, but it is a reminder to us that He does possess qualities that we never thought He did. We need to constantly be reminded that God loves us, but sometimes His love is just like that of the parents who raised us. He puts trials in our lives because He loves and cares for us. We need to hold on and trust in this God who is wrathful, beautiful, cruel, and loving because He still holds us in the palm of His hand. He cares for us.

           

           

           

big news!

Hey everybody! Sorry I've been absent for the past week. I've been working on one blog post, but life is full and new and exciting things keep happening every time I turn around.

As many of you know, I'm getting ready to start my final semester at my local community college. I decided to live at home my first couple of years of college, work on getting my grades up, and cut down on college costs (hahah!). So, by the end of December I'll have my associates degree. But with finishing my associates degree, I obviously needed to start looking for somewhere else to go...right? Well...drum roll, please...

Last Friday I got my acceptance letter in the mail from Southeastern University in Lakeland, FL! It was an exciting day when I got it. I've been working for so long to get to this point, and to finally be here, where I get to take classes for what I really want to do after college, to start getting hands on experience...I feel like I'm finishing some sort of marathon. Although, the real marathon is getting my bachelors degree. So maybe I'm finishing a half-marathon? Either way, it's exciting, and I'm looking forward to moving in January. Yes, I said MOVING! Into a dorm room, no less. That will be an adventure. And hey, I like new adventures!

My mom and I are driving up to Lakeland next Friday to tour the campus and meet with my admissions counselor. I'm excited to see the campus (I've heard it's gorgeous) and start preparing for this next big step. Thanks for being excited with me!

a day in the life of a college student.

I'm borrowing this idea from Nessa. I saw her day in pictures and I just had to give it a go.
So, here's my day (today) in photos.

6:30-7:30: Drag myself out of bed, stumble into the kitchen, eat breakfast, jump in the shower, get ready for the day.
 

7:30: Hop in the car and drive to school.

8:00: Marketing class. I would have taken a photo, but it's a live TV class (the class is broadcast across all the various campuses, and I didn't want to be awkward taking a photo).

9:15: Homework time in the lab.

11:00: College Algebra class.

12:30: Lunch at the Starbs (I don't eat here all the time. I had a gift card.).

1:30: More math homework in the lab.
 

3:00: Driving home. Almost done for the day.

3:30: Walking the pup.

5:00: On a run! Whoop!
6:30: Dinner time. We ate grilled chicken and salad, but my camera went all wonky, and I couldn't get a photo.

8:00: In my pajamas, sitting on my couch, writing this blog post.

The times and everything obviously vary, and I'm definitely not in my pajamas by 8:00 every night, but today just went really well on the homework front.

I really enjoyed doing this, though!

I PASSED!
Grades were posted this morning, and I passed the 'evil semester' as my wonderful friend, Jen, named it for me. It's sort of fitting if you think about about. Math is pretty evil, and I ended up taking Accounting, Macroeconomics and Algebra all in one semester. So, evil semester was born. And now I can put it to rest.

Accounting: B
Macroeconomics: B.
Algebra: C.
Ethics: To be determined, but most likely a B.

When my eyes fell on the grades, I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. I was definitely expecting C's and D's and maybe one B. I'm so grateful, though. For how hard I worked this semester, I would have taken whatever I was given to just get the whole thing over with. I was mostly worried because I didn't want to completely wreck my GPA this semester, because I want to be able to transfer to a good university after I'm done with my associates degree. Thankfully, I didn't completely ruin my GPA, and I have next semester to really work hard again and get it up. Plus, I'm taking a couple of classes that I'm really excited about. So hopefully I can get a couple of A's out of the semester and bring it up a bit more.

Thanks to everyone who prayed, and encouraged me throughout the whole semester. I'm so grateful for you. Your warm thoughts, words, and prayers helped carry me through one of the most stressful semesters of my college career. Thank you, thank you.

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me"-Philippians 4:13

the kid.

I'm really sorry for the flood of updates about school lately, but honestly, that's all my life is surrounded by lately. I'm hoping I can say differently soon. For now, I'm so excited to talk about something I watched in my art appreciation class today.

We watched Charlie Chaplin's "The Kid" today and it was so enjoyable. I loved every second of it.

I had never watched a silent film before, but this has opened up a whole new world to me. Seriously. It was so intriguing how well Charlie Chaplin got his point across through no words, just with a little bit of type in between scenes. And how the themes in the movie were so similar to many themes of today. 

Not only was it a great movie that made me laugh, but the picture was just amazing. I loved it to much I'm going to just post a bunch of photos from it. Is that okay? Good!

 

Isn't he just so cute?!

 

 

Just for kicks, because I liked it. 

Thank you for allowing me to indulge. You guys are the best.

I hope to have something exciting happen around here soon. Anyone have any ideas?

tuesday thoughts.

After starting my four-day-a-week class at the college, I have had a lot less time to enjoy great and wonderful thing. Especially things that inspire me, or that I enjoy greatly. Not only that, but i've had a lot going on with that secret of mine, trying to straighten out the last details before I do any revealing. Don't worry, though, you'll find out probably this week sometime. It's fun having a secret. It's even better when the extreme excitement has worn off and you finally get to sleep at night. Beautiful sleep all the way through the night. For instance, I got 11 hours last night. Can't even remember the last time I did that.

I'm seriously feeling bummed out about our weather patterns here in good old Florida. I walked outside this morning and wanted to die. For real. Humidity sucks the fun out of everything. It's almost November and we have only had one cool/cold front. This better not be one of those abnormally warm "winters". I'd be super bummed. The cooler weather keeps me going and brings my soul to life. I just can't deal with not having a winter.

My college class is going well. It consists of mostly math, because that's what needs to be worked on the most. I'm realizing that my problem here is that my brain just needs to be refreshed. For the most part I know what i'm doing, but there are little things here and there that I have forgotten in order for me to get the correct answer for a problem. Once the teacher shows me what i've done wrong, I immediately figure it out and dominate the lessons. It's much easier after having learned this stuff once in my life before.

Ah, well, just my Tuesday Thoughts, I guess. Have a beautiful day!

seriously.

If there is such a place as cloud nine, then baby i'm on it! Last Wednesday I took a TABE test. It stands for Test of Adult Basic Education. I had to take it because I don't yet have a high school diploma. I don't have enough math credits to actually finish my senior year yet, and I have to take my GED anyway, so my mom and I figured it would be best to just leave the math classes and get this show on the road.

So I took the TABE test last Wednesday evening. I was pretty nervous going into it. I hadn't been in a classroom in three years. I had no idea what to expect. Not only that, but i'm known for having really bad test anxiety. Which is one of the reasons I ended up finishing high school as a homeschooler. During the test i could feel my body not being able to relax, I was stressing myself out, and there was a quadruple dose of math. I was feeling pretty confident about how I did on language and reading. It was basic education anyway, right? But math was the kicker. If I don't die because of math, then i'll be super surprised. It's just terrible.

Now that brings me to today. The day that I find out scores. The scale goes like this 0-12.9. Easy. Medium. Difficult. Advanced. Are you ready? Well, here it is: Language 12.5-Advanced. Reading 10.0-Difficult. Math 5.2 Medium. But still! I'm so proud of myself. Not necessarily with the math, but definitely with the reading and language. Especially after not getting an education probably as good as I could have in a public high school. Math needs some more work, but this whole thing definitely made me realize, i'm a whole heck of a lot smarter than I thought. I've always been a pretty average student, when I put my mind to it, and wasn't lazy about my work. But this has really given me the confidence that I needed, to hold my head up high, and face what i've always been afraid of. I know that I was being covered in prayer, and that Jesus was sitting in the chair next to me whispering the answers in my little ear. I couldn't have done it without those two things. Wow. I'm on top of the world right now!