my dreams are coming true.

It's been a while since the last time I wrote (9 months...eek!). It's been a busy 9 months. A short synopsis: I got a job, finished my last semester at community college, got my associates degree, transferred to Southeastern University, completed my first semester, came home for the summer, went back to the same job, and I'm going...

 

Yes!

But first, let's rewind to a few months ago...

The last time I wrote, I mentioned that I had been offered an internship with Centricity Music. I spent a significant time with this offer in my hands, waiting for God to reveal when the right time was for me to accept it. There were a lot of factors that  were weighing into my decision, and it was all kind of confusing, so I just waited quietly and patiently. Once I arrived at Southeastern, I was surrounded by people who were living out the calling that God had put on their heart so passionately. I was hearing a lot of talk about internships, which led me to begin thinking more seriously about my own offer. I still had the same questions and uncertainties. What were those, you may be wondering? Well, it was all about timing for me. I knew that I needed three months of time to do a full-blown internship, but I knew three months wasn't feasible for me this summer. I also didn't want to do this too early, have the possibility of a job being offered to me, and then have to turn the opportunity down because I had to come back to school. So, I was still stuck, but I was feeling God stirring something up. 

In March, while I was on spring break, I had to do an assignment for one of my classes where I had to interview an individual in a management position in media. I decided to go to a radio station in Orlando since I knew quite a few of the people who work there. While I was doing my interview, I asked the individual who I was interviewing for some advice on the subject. He suggested that I contact the label, see if it would be a possibility for me to spend two weeks with them during the summer, and then go back later for a full internship. It seemed like a genius idea. I left with my head swirling and couldn't wait to get back home and finally put some action to this opportunity that I'd had dangling in front of my face for so many months. After e-mails were sent back and forth, I had a phone interview in April that went really well. I received an e-mail a week later informing me that they would love to have me come for two weeks this summer to work on a couple of projects surrounding the release of Aaron Shust's new album release in July!

Fast forward to right now...

I will be in Nashville in two-and-a-half weeks. It's bizarre, it freaks me out, and I'm out of my mind excited for the opportunity that is waiting for me. From the beginning, I've been saying that if all of this is God will He will make all of the pieces fall into place. So far, I have all of the evidence to prove that God's mighty hand is in this. He set me up with the opportunity to talk to Steve from the label in September, He provided the right advice in March, He gave me the confidence in April during my interview, He provided me with a job this summer to save for my trip and for my return back to school in August. 

I stepped into all of this blindly, taking a leap of faith. It's quite possibly the biggest leap of faith I've ever taken. While conversing back and forth with my mom about this opportunity, before I ever sent an e-mail, my mom asked me "Where will you stay?" "How will you get there?" I told her, "If this is God plan, He'll work it all out. What will be will be." I've seen God work and move in this situation, and I've heard Him telling me consistently to trust Him and to not worry. I've never been so calm and at peace with a situation this big in my life. I still don't have a confirmed place to stay, or confirmed transportation back and forth to work each day while I'm there, but the Lord has worked everything else out, so I have to have faith and trust that He will work this minor detail out, too. 

I'm truly watching my dreams come to life right before my very eyes. I can't wait to see what God does...

If you'd like to follow my adventures, you can follow me on Instagram.

thoughts on momentum 2012.

Last week I had the amazing opportunity to spend Wednesday September 5th-Sunday September 9th in Orlando at the Yacht and Beach Club for a music conference called Momentum. It's a gathering of radio people and record labels from the Christian music industry. I was able to get a super cheap ticket for the whole event as a college student, along with a free ticket to Night of Joy both nights thanks to my friend Jen. The whole entire weekend was a complete steal, so how could I not go?

My whole reason for going in the first place was to meet people and hopefully make connections. I realize that getting into the music business does have something to do with the education that you have, but the connections that you make along the way are just as, if not more, important than your education. So, off I went to momentum with no real expectations...

Jen didn't really tell me much about what to expect from the weekend, so I really had no idea what I was stepping into. But I suddenly realized that I had stepped into the right place when Steven Curtis Chapman walked into the lobby of the convention center and I turned to Jen and said, "Jen, that's Steven Curtis Chapman right there. For real?" After a minor inward freak out, I realized that this was how the rest of the weekend was going to go, and I accepted it. That was when I came up with the saying "My life is so strange..." to describe the entire weekend.

There were a number of crazy opportunities to meet people from all over the place, and to take in an insanely large amount of music. Like on Wednesday night, for instance, when there were little stripped down acoustic sets put on by Dara Maclean, Jason Castro, and For King and Country in a suite on the top floor of the beach club, or chatting with Andrew Peterson who introduced me to Steve Ford, who offered me an internship at Centricity Music after only chatting for 15 minutes. Or riding in an elevator with Jason Castro, his guitar, and his baby's stroller one night, and riding in an elevator with Matthew West the next afternoon. Or passing Amy Grant as you're running late for Night of Joy and exchanging an extremely awkward "hey".

Seriously...My life is so strange. I'm happy for the strange, but I'm even more happy that the Lord is leading me down this path, and that he keeps reigniting the passion within my soul for the music industry. I'm so grateful for the reminders that I receive on a weekly basis that I am doing the right thing with my life. So grateful...

God works in mysterious ways.

So, I know a lot of you out there are wondering what exactly has just happened in the past 24 hours. Don't worry, me too. If anyone has been following my status updated on Facebook, you sort of know what is going on but maybe not completely. So I figured I would explain things a little bit for all of you wonderful people.

Most of you reading this already know that Downhere, Jason Gray, and Aaron Shust are out on the Called To Love tour right now. I tried getting the tour to come to my church back before I left for the summer, but the timing wasn't good for me to be planning a concert and it just didn't work out. So when I realized that the tour wasn't coming to Florida at all, I was really bummed out.

After I came home from one of the hardest/longest/craziest summers of my life, I hit the ground running and life was still not easy (when is it ever?). But I was thrown into one of the most challenging semesters ever, trying to keep my head above water, struggling every step of the way. The evidence is in the last post I wrote on here. So needless to say, I am totally and completely burned out. I haven't felt like myself for a long time. I miss that. And I need a break...a mini-vacation. Something.

So that's where this whole thing comes in...

My friend Sarah joked around with me on facebook a few weeks ago and said that I should go up to Virginia for the Called to Love tour. I said that I didn't think it would ever work out, and that it just wasn't a realistic thing to do. Then last week or something we started joking around again and she said she would throw in $30 dollars for gas money. I still knew it wasn't realistic to put all those miles on my car so I let it go. But yesterday, while I was doing my homework, I started day dreaming. What else is a girl supposed to do?

What if I REALLY did something about this joking? What did I have to lose? So I left Sarah a comment and said "Seriously considering taking donations to get my butt up to Virginia in less than a month. Any takers?" And that's where it all started. Sarah was immediately excited, so I posted it on my facebook. Just for curiosity's sake, I wanted to know who would donate money so I could buy a plane ticket. Of course, I had Sarah and her $30 dollars, and I wasn't really believing anything would happen.

After saying a little prayer, and asking my friend Tricia to pray for me, my friend Gina prayerfully put in $200. Then my friend Derk, said he would throw in a couple dollars. My friend Jen said she would donate. Within minutes I had $217 dollars in my paypal account. I had no idea what was happening, why it was happening, it was...just happening. I went to bed, woke up to nothing new, but then a family friend donated, and my friend Michael, then my friend Jen, Sharon, Deb. My step-sister Sarah even donated 10 dollars!

And just like that, I had reached my goal of $350 and had seven cents to spare.

I sit here tonight with a purchased plane ticket.

I am completely blown away by my Jesus this evening. Not only that, but I am amazed at the kindess and generosity of my friends, some of whom I have never met.

I almost wrote that I don't know why God would choose me to be the recipient of so much kindess, but I do know.

Every time I see downhere or Jason Gray, it comes at a time when I desperately need it. Concerts are like a breath of fresh air for me. I always leave feeling rejuvenated and refreshed by the message that is given. It's no secret that music holds a very special place in my heart, especially downhere and Jason Gray's music. With the stress that I've been dealing with lately, I realized long ago that I could use a break and get rejuvenated. I realize now that this is how God wants to reveal Himself to me.

I'll be the first to tell you that my relationship with God has been struggling lately. I've been hurt by people I thought I could trust, lost some of my closest friends, been dealing with the most stressful semester of my life, new issues arising in my family. I hadn't read my bible since the very beginning of the summer, and I knew that was having a big impact on my mental state. I just didn't want to do anything about it. Lame excuse, right?

Yesterday morning was the first time I opened my bible on my own to read it since the beginning of June. I realized this week while talking to my mom, while completely at the end of my rope with nothing more to give, that I needed to give everything over to God. So I did.

There were times through this little (big?) 24 hour journey where I wanted to take things into my own hands. Then he showed me that He had this in his hands all the way through.

As I reflect on the last twenty four hours I see God's hand throughout the whole thing. As I look ahead to the weekend of November 11-13th, I see the details for why God has made this a possibility. November 11th marks 5 years since I gave my life to Christ. It also marks 5 years since the first time I saw downhere. That weekend will mark 5 years since I've known my friends Monika, Cherylyn and and Sarah. It will mark the day that I get to meet Monika and Cherylyn. It also marks the 10th time I'm seeing Jason Gray.

I'd say that this is all a bit more than coincidence.
It is a miracle.

warning: this post contains blood.

*Not for the faint of heart*

When was the last time YOU had a skinned elbow? You can't remember? Neither can I.
...until today.

So I was taking my burly Siberian Husky, Trinity, for her afternoon walk around the neighborhood. I walk her every day, at the same time, on the same route, so I know where all of the other neighborhood dogs live. And whish silly people let their dogs roam around...not on a leash.

My biggest pet peeve (pun may or may not be intended...probably may) is people who don't leash their dogs. I don't care if you know that your dog won't run away, you just make the afternoon walk a whole lot less pleasant because my dog goes insane. While Kujo over there is a good dog, who just wants to take a jaunt down the driveway to come and check out what we're up to, my dog goes crazy and starts hopping and whining and barking all over the place. While there's me on the other end trying to control her, and make her simmer down to make it seem like she's not one of those unruly dogs that doesn't have any training (Trinity is a really great dog. She just gets...excited.). But I digress...

So anyway, here I am, walking my dog near the empty lot so she can get her business done, and I start to turn around when I hear these two guys who are working on their cars say something. At first I got a little frightened, because I thought they were being gross, but then I realized that Trinity was getting all excited. I turn around and what do I see? A dog. NOT. ON . A. LEASH. So, I start trying to get Trinity under control because she's excited and wants to go smoosh the little booger. Then I lose control of myself and fall backward onto my bum. As if that's not embarassing enough? Trinity takes advantage of my embarrassment and drags me and my elbow across the pavement. She's awesome. And maybe a little unruly. Then I try and gather myself and my pride (what pride?), hop up, turn around and walk away. With my elbow propped up in the air, trying to not have blood running down my arm.

That was a long walk home...

Moral of the story? There isn't one.

But I can say that I was 21 and got a skinned elbow...if that's anything to be proud of...

today was a really interesting day. i had plans to go out to lunch with my grandma for our weekly date together. yes, i go on dates with my grandma, and they are the best dates ever. well, this is where the interesting part comes in.

there's a little produce stand that has been down the street from my grandma's house for as long as i can remember. my dad used to own his own produce market when my brothers and i were younger. there was a lady who worked for him for a long time. every other weekend when my brother and i would go to my dad's we would always spend time at the market. i would help out with bagging groceries or ringing up customers, or just hang out. normally with this lady. so we got to know each other really well. i always danced around the market, because I was a ballerina, and i would always show this lady the new things i was learning. or we would just talk. i would vent my frustrations to her, and she ultimately protected me from the scary things. if any of you know my story, you know that my relationship with my dad has been rocky all of my life. she knew how ugly things could get with my dad, and would always protect me.

my dad shut down his produce market when i was about 11. 9 years ago. when he shut down his market i never saw this lady after that. well, about a year ago my dad told me that this lady was working at the produce stand right down the road from where he lives (he lives with my grandma). he said that whenever he goes in there she is always asking about me. she had seen one of my brothers quite a few times because he helped my dad with work a lot. i knew that i really wanted to see her, because she was a big part of my life when i was younger. a couple of weeks ago when i was down visiting my grandma my dad told me the hours that she was normally at the produce stand. this morning when i woke up i wanted to make a point of stopping by there to say hi on my way to pick my grandma up. by the time i got there, there wasn't enough time, so i just went and picked up my grandma. i was pretty upset, though. i figured i had blown my chance. that it was too late to see this lady after 9 years.

when i was on my way home i looked over at the stand and saw her standing there, so i had to stop. the moment i pulled in i could feel the blood pumping through my veins. i don't even know how i was walking up there. i walked in and i was looking at her and she didn't even look like i had remembered. so i started thinking "this isn't her. i may as well just turn around. i'm wasting my time." but she looked at me and i said "are you lena?" and she said "yes." i said, "do i look familiar to you?" and she said "are you...?" and said something else's name. i said "no...i'm kaitlyn" do you remember me. the look on her face. she said "oh my goodness. i can't believe it's you!" i'm not really sure what i was feeling at that moment, but whatever it was it was almost magical. this was the first time i had ever intentionally gone out of my way to see someone that i hadn't seen in a very long time. seeing this lady who i had spent countless hours with over dreadful weekends with my dad. a lady who sat there through my detailed stories at the age of eight, and protected me during some of the scariest moment of my life. it was beautiful. she said that she could still see me in her head dancing around the market and doing ballet. we stood in the middle of this little fruit stand and shared what had been going on in our lives for the past 9 years. it was crazy. the first thing i said to her once she knew it was me was "i just turned twenty last friday." almost 10 years later. amazing how time flies.

as i was leaving we both gave each other huge hugs and as i was walking to my car she yelled "i love you." i didn't know how to react at first, because i'm weird about things like that. the only people i really say those three words to are my family. i don't throw those around like a baseball. it didn't bother me, it just took me by surprise. then i turned around and we both looked and each other and then we both kind of simultaneously went back to hug each other once more. as i was pulling out to head home, she was standing there waving at me. since that visit, my heart has felt so full.

when my mom came home i was bursting at the seams to tell her about what had happened. by the end of it i was in tears. i can't tell you why. being able to see lena for the first time in almost 10 years was incredible. she was like my mom when my mom wasn't around. when i was younger going to my dad's house seemed like a death sentence for me. i would cling onto my mom's legs begging her to not make me go to my dad's. but when i was at the market having lena there just made things okay. i don't think i've ever met someone that has ever taken me under their wing like that in my life. being able to see her today has made me realize how much of an impact she had on my life, and i didn't even know it. who knows where i would be had i not had her 10 years ago.

my heart is so full. so full.
...and God is good.

and so there was a boy. he smiled at me in the grocery store, and i smiled back. it turns out we used to go to church with he and his mom a long time ago. so we got to talking and he seems really nice. i wish i had found out more, because that boy made my day. i haven't been able to get it off of my mind all day, and i know it is probably something silly. i probably won't ever see him again, but you see, i have never met a boy quite like that. i have never had a boy smile because he thought i was cute. i felt special for 10 minutes yesterday, and i got a case of the butterflies. the end.