part three: how do you say thank you?

(Nikole and I, 2008)
Part 1// Part 2

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  Community.

It was something that I'd been in search of for months. The people from my church and in my youth group were blessing me beyond measure. I was learning more and more, and growing in my spiritual walk with the Lord, but the community that I found on downhere's message boards was completely different. We all had a mutual love and appreciation for our favorite band which is what brought us together in the first place, but God had woven this community together and I "just so happened" to stumble into it.

I started realizing that we all had much more in common than just liking the band downhere. Many of us had struggled with making friends in the past and had felt like outcasts at one point or another in our lives. I suppose you'll find that you have many things in common with a group of people when the band that drew you together in the first place sings about "the broken, the beat up, and so called losers". My church family and the downhere community were pouring into my life, and I couldn't help but overflow with the things that God was doing in my life.

I no longer felt like an outcast because I was accepted. The loneliness? It was gone. The presence of God was permeating from my every pore and I couldn't keep it inside. Remember my high school friends that had stopped talking to me? Well, one day while I was sitting at home doing my school work, I got a myspace message from one of them. This was the first time we'd communicated via myspace in months, even though we saw each other frequently each week for colorguard practice. In her message she said that she noticed that some things had changed in my life. She could tell that I was changing by the words that were coming out of my mouth, and she said that I seemed much happier than I was before. It was purely by the grace of God that the changes that were taking place in my life were now visible to those around me. But it was true! I was happier than I had been in a long time. After that myspace message from my friend, things started changing in our relationship. While we both knew that our friendship would never be the same as it was before, we were talking to each other and we were able to enjoy each others company again.

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 (Brad, Sarah, Ryan, Gina and me at Perkins in Clermont, FL, December 2007)

(Jason Gray and I, December 2007)

Throughout 2007 I was getting to know more and more new people through the message boards, and found out that one board member grew up in South Florida just like me. She lived in Michigan now and was going to college there, but she visited her family in Florida a couple times a year. In December of 2007 we had planned to meet each other at a Jason Gray concert a few hours away (it was through downhere's music that I discovered my favorite musician and friend, Jason Gray). I was awkward about the whole thing, and didn't let on to my mom or step-dad that my friend Gina and her brother Ryan would be there, and that I knew Gina from online. So I tried to play it off all cool like I didn't know that they would be there, and I had just bumped into them. It didn't work for long, and my step-dad called my mom and told her that they were there. Of course, my mom was a little worried and told Brad to keep a close eye on me and make sure they were good people. They were. And Brad and my step-sister Sarah ended up loving them. We laughed a lot, and it was like we had known each other forever! After the concert we hung out while we talked to Jason for a little bit, but it was still pretty early so my step-dad asked if I wanted to invite Gina and Ryan to go to Perkins with us for a little bit. So we followed each other to a Perkins at 8:30 at night. We laughed until our stomachs hurt and had tears falling from our eyes. Sadly, Gina and Ryan had to drive back home that night, while we stayed in a hotel to wake up the next morning and see Jason Gray play again.

Unknowingly, downhere introduced me to three people who would enrich my life in more ways than I knew at the time. After that weekend, I listened to Jason Gray's music non-stop. And when I say non-stop, I mean I listened to it over and over and over again. It was the only thing I listened to for a week after I saw him. And the kindness he showed toward me when I met him, and through e-mails and facebook messages and comments was encouraging. And Gina was always praying for me and answering questions when I had them. She taught me how to rely on God and trust Him with everything.

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It was in February of 2008 when I logged onto myspace and clicked over to downhere's page when I realized that dates were posted for their upcoming Spring tour. I scrolled and scrolled and scroll...DOWNHERE IN KISSIMMEE, FLORIDA ON APRIL 18TH WITH JASON GRAY AND SHAWN MCDONALD! Jumping and screaming and clapping and cheering ensued, and my Mom promptly told me I needed to get a grip on life and calm the heck down. So then, I waited for the opportunity to meet my favorite band...


to be continued...

lately.

 Beach trip with my mom.

 Being goofy with Gina.

 Learning how to play guitar.

 Fourth of July.



This is coming soon!

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There's been a lot of stuff happening lately. A lot to keep me busy. A lot to bring a smile to my face. And certainly a lot to remind me of how blessed I really am.

01. Last monday my Mom and I were dragging our feet around the house, wiping away the sleep from our eyes, when she said, "Want to go to the beach?" Honestly, how could I resist? My schedule was almost completely cleared, so we did just that. We packed a light and healthy lunch, slathered some sunscreen on and hit the beach. It was a gorgeous day. Low tide, quiet, the water was the perfect temperature. Plus, I got to spend it with my mom. She's the best!

02. This past weekend my Floridian born-Michigan living friend Gina was in "town". I say "town" because she lives about an hour south of me, but in "town" is better than in Michigan. I drove down on Friday afternoon, and stayed until Saturday evening. We got caught up on each others lives, played games together, became frustrated from said games, spent time with friends, hit the flea market, sweat until we couldn't sweat anymore, grabbed ice cream, when to the Chik-fil-a, learned some guitar. We had a great time together. It always a great time when I get to hang with Gina and her family.

03. Like I said, Gina taught me how to play a little bit of guitar. It's something I've wanted to learn how to do for a while, but haven't had a guitar to do so. I recently aquired a guitar, so what better time than now to learn?

04. Last week was the 4th! How exciting! I spent most of my day doing homework, but was able to get out for some fun in the afternoon and evening. My church was doing a picnic, so I got to eat some yummy food, and hang out with my good church people. Then I met up with some friends from my young adult bible study group and we went to the city fireworks. My friend Felicia knows some of the city cops, so we were able to get the hook-up and had ourselves some really great seats. We could literally see where the professionals were setting the fireworks off from in the road. It was incredible. And loud. And smoky. And we got rained on by firework debris, but it was still amazing, all the same. Afterward, I went to IHOP with my friends Kelsey and Felicia to keep the party going. It was awkward and weird. And I got really bad heartburn because I ate a bunch of food that I shouldn't have, but other than that, it was a fine night out.

05. The Jason Gray concert that I've been planning is a month and a half away! Crazy! Things have really picked up over the past couple weeks with that, and I am getting pumped. It will be here before I know it. As much work as this whole concert planning gig is, I'll be very sad to see it end. Plus, the planning is part of the fun, right?

Also, I'm taking an oceanography class right now, and last week I got a B on my first test!

The Lord has been blessing me left and right. Not only has he been blessing me, but He's been blessing those around me as well. It's so encouraging to see the hand of God in every little detail. Wow! I'm just blown away. 

Blogging has obviously taken a back seat over the past couple of weeks, and I'm afraid it will have to continue to be that way because this semester is the most ridiculous thing ever. When one signs up to take Intermediate Algebra, Accounting, Macroeconomics and Ethics all in the same semester, they are pretty much begging to not have a life outside of classes and homework.

So yeah...this semester is crazy, busy and extremely overwhelming at times. I lay in bed at night and still feel like I haven't gotten anything done after I've worked on homework all day long. I stay up until 11:00 most nights just because that's the only time I have to relax. I tell myself every evening that I'll be in bed before 11. Then I look at the clock and it's 11:00...then 11:30. Then I close my computer, turn the lights out and finally try and get some rest.

Most days I find that I look just as tired as I feel, and just as frazzled and fried out of my mind as I really am. I pledge to never ever put myself through a semester like this ever again. I'll die before I do it again.

I'm stressed out, I need a laugh, and really...I just want a nice and long vacation.

After how stressful my summer was, to how stressful this semester is, I find myself caught up in my head all the time and it's so overwhelming.

On top of the fact that I thought I could be superwoman this semester, I also have to really start thinking about where I want to transfer to finish my bachelors degree. It's been suggested that one starts applying a year before they are ready to transfer. I know where I want to end up, which is far away from where I am now.

The costs, the student loans...it all makes me want to cower in a corner.

But...I know that even in all of this chaos and uncertainty in my life, God does have a plan. And I'll get over these scary mountains. I'll be able to look back on these challenging times and see where God was at work.

And I know that He is. I see His hand in my life daily, in the little details. Thank goodness for the little details. If those didn't matter, I'd be in pretty bad shape.

I leave you with a video.

centricity nation.

Last week the unveiling of Centricity Nation took place. It is a website run by fans of Centricity Music's artists. I got to be a small part of the amazing work that's taking place by writing an album review for Jason Gray's new album, 'A Way To See In The Dark'.

Hop on over and check out what's going on!

monday musings and happies.

Sorry for the break. It was totally unexpected, but I was on Spring Break last week and just needed it, I guess.

I love the times when I have some much to blog about that I don't know where to start, but I'll start with today because it really has been a magnificent day.

Today was my first day back to classes after Spring Break, and I was totally dreading it. I was expecting it to be miserable. 

Until this afternoon happened...

I knew that my friend Jason Gray was sending me his new EP in the mail for my birthday (which was this past Saturday), and was expecting to get it today. Except that when I got the mail today there were TWO packages in the mail with my name on them. One from Jason Gray and one from my friend Breann. Hello! I mean...what the heck?! Breann sent me an Andrew Peterson and Eric Peters CD for my birthday. She provided the sweetest note, too. 

It's days like today and this past weekend as a whole that make me feel so blessed.

Today could have very well been a miserable day if I had allowed it to be, but God knew that I would need a pick-me-up, and provided it through these two sweet people. I'm so blown away by the ways that God is so involved in the details and knows exactly what we need before we ever do. Now I feel like it's possible to get through the next three and a half weeks until the semester is over.

I'm blessed and so so grateful for every single one of my friends. I love every single one of you. Thank you for being shining lights in my life.

monday happiness # 3.

 

My Monday happiness is a bit more than Monday happiness. It's more like Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday happiness. Which, by the way, I'm really grateful that I can say. I've felt like such a Negative Nancy lately, even though I know that God is doing amazing things in my life right now, and I can clearly see the many ways that He is blessing me daily. I don't know, maybe I've just been so caught up in my head lately. I've certainly been thinking way too hard. 

Anyway, Saturday I had the opportunity to take my Grandma out to lunch. I don't know why, but I was just especially cheery for no reason. Then I heard Jason Gray's newest single "I Am New" for the first time on the radio. Then I was especially cheery for a reason. :-)

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to drive 2.5 hours north to see Andrew Peterson in concert for the first time. It was such a wonderful show. A great night of storytelling about the greatest story of them all. I also got to meet up with some good friends in Ormond Beach. We got to geek out about music the whole night. It's weekends like this past weekend that really make me realize how much of a music junkie I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Today, though I was very much lacking in the sleep department, I still managed to have a great day. It might have a little something to do with the fact that I found out I finished my English class with a B. Meaning I had to have done way better on my argumentative essay on pirating music then I had originally thought. I feel like a dork now, because that paper caused me so much anxiety. I think I had nightmares about it and came close to hyperventilating a few times.

Also, we finally got cold weather. Cold for a Floridians standards, anyway. It has been so beautiful the past few days. That always does my heart, mind, and soul some good. 

I just feel like I was fed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally this weekend.

As a follow up to my blog last night...

This song is a great reminder of how God makes us a new creation through the sanctification process. This song just may be my anthem right now...

I had the delightful opportunity to spend last Friday night, September 17th, with Jason Gray. He played in Orlando, FL for an event being put on by Orlando Union Rescue Mission for their annual event called One Homeless Night. 

 He only played four or five songs, but it was still wonderful to be able to hang out. We got to escape to Starbucks before the show with our friend Jen. She works with Z88.3, the Christian radio station in Orlando. It was wonderful to be able to meet up with her, and just have real and honest conversation together. We laughed together as Jason's GPS got confused with the crazy downtown Orlando roads, and as Jason recounted stories from the Centricity Music artist retreat he had just come from that week. Jason was able to tell us about how his single More Like Falling In Love has really been doing great at radio, and he told us about what God was doing in his life. It almost felt like a reversal from any time I had hung out him. He normally asks me to fill him in on my life, but it was refreshing to hear him talk about the things that are going on in his life. Jason even asked Jen and I if we would pray for him before he played. So the three of us gathered together in a circle under the I-4 overpass, and prayed for Jason before we finished setting up for the show. It was a blessing to be surrounded by such great friends.

I got to run powerpoint for Jason at the show, and I'm glad he asked me. It's nice to be able to do something like that. I feel like I'm giving something back to Jason after the kindness he's shown me over the past couple of years. Jen and I were talking while Jason was sound checking, and we were talking about conversations that I've had with Jason on Facebook and Twitter, specifically the ones when we joke around with each other. Jen said "You know you're good friends with someone when you can joke around with someone online, and have no one get offended." We both liked that so much that we retold it to Jason while we were at Starbucks. He liked it, too. The teasing continued on throughout the night, and I even felt comfortable enough to start bossing Jason around. He was going back and forth on whether he wanted to tell a certain joke in his set, or just take it out of the powerpooint completely. I finally just told him to just do it. He said 'Yeah...okay. I think I will. You think I should? Okay...yeah, totally...I'm gonna do it!". Then a few minutes later I realized, "I just told Jason Gray what to do. Like I have that right or something." I apologized to him and told him that I didn't mean to just tell him what to do. He said "No..it's totally cool. You just stuck it to me, and you know what? I'm going to do it. Here I go!" and he walked away and told his joke.

This was my 9th time seeing Jason play. The first time I saw him was at the very end of 2007. A couple days before New Years. Every time, no matter what, I always walk away with my heart being stirred in some way. It was no different this time. I don't know if it's the music or if it's the conversation, but God is definitely always in our midst. God has used Jason and his music to minister to me in some of the most difficult times in my life, or to help me through hours and hours of homework. I'm grateful that I came across the music of Jason Gray, and have had the opportunity to get to know and become friends with him over the past three years (almost). It's good.

i'm currently digging this video. this tune is just so catchy, how can someone not sing it? if you want to get your hands on this single, or jason gray's CD 'everything sad is coming untrue', go to www.jasongraymusic.com to access his store.

a weekend with jason gray.

Well, the day has come and gone, and I've been trying to gather it all together. The truth is, I can't. No matter how hard I try and think about how I could possibly write a blog about this past weekend, I can't wrap my mind around it. So I will attempt to write a blog about it, and we'll see how it turns out. Here we go...

Four weeks ago, Jason sent me an e-mail, asking me if my church would like to have him come and play on a Saturday night. He said that he would be traveling around the midwest, and making his way down south all the week before, so since he was in the area he wanted to know if we wanted to host him. I spoke to the people at my church, they said they would love to have him come. With a lot more details then just that, and a ton of trust in God, we got him here.

I was going to have Jason stay at my house on Friday night, so with that and the planning of the concert, I was one busy girl, who was running on little sleep for about a month. I was painting the bathroom and putting the touch ups on the edging, when I got the e-mail from Jason on Thursday afternoon, the day before he was supposed to arrive here if he was staying with us, that he was in fact going to be. With much excitement, nervousness, and adrenaline pumping through my veins, I got the bathroom done on Thursday evening. Friday I spent the day in a cleaning frenzy. I started when I woke up and stopped maybe three or four hours before he pulled into my driveway. Meanwhile, I had a splitting headache, exhaustion was setting in, and by the time he was sitting at my dining room table, I had nothing left inside of me. It's a good thing he did most of the talking.

We got to feed him a home-cooked meal of baked chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes, salad and pumpkin pie for dessert. It was so great to be able to invite Jason into my home. He has done so much for me over the past two years since I've met him, it was the least I could do. It was great to get to hang out outside of a concert event, sharing with him a part of my family, and him sharing his many stories with us. We got to laugh a lot at some stories, and then we got to have more serious conversations. Something that you just don't get to do at a show.

I gave up my room for Jason to sleep in, and I slept on the couch. Even though I didn't sleep wonderful, it didn't phase me that much, because Jason got to sleep more than 4 or 5 hours. I was just fine with giving up my comfortable bed for a night, sacrificing my sleep, so he could be rested for the next day, and even the next to see his family and get ready to have a vacation with them!

The next morning we all got to have a leisurely morning, waking up, eating a late breakfast, and all sitting out on our back porch talking about music, movies, and books. I got to talk to Jason about things I would normally chat with him about on his message boards, but we actually got to talk about them on my back porch. It was so cool. I enjoyed it so much.

We got to talk a little bit about his music, the new record, what his favorite things about it were, what my favorite things about it were. I got to tell him things I kept reminding myself I was post on his boards, but never got the chance. Maybe that's the way it was supposed to be. Instead we got to talk about it in person, at my dining room table.

He got to do laundry at our house, our dryer ate one of his socks, and we got to eat cold-cut sandwiches together while going over power point for the show that night. All of the things I listed above, I was feeling nervous the whole time. You know, it's not everyday you get to have your favorite musical artist in your home, but around this time, I was starting to become more myself. I've known that Jason was a friend of mine, but there has always been that fan part of me in there. Not crazy fan or anything, just respecting what he does and his music. It was around this time, but not completely until later, that I realized that Jason and I are friends. Some people may not understand that, and that's okay. You don't have to. You can't fully understand until you've experienced it yourself. I'm grateful for the opportunity.

So, around 3:00 we packed up Jason's stuff in his mini-van. We were heading to the church with a couple of stops on the way. This is the part where I really felt as if Jason and I were friends. He cared enough to ask me about something that happened in my past, that has really defined who I am today. It is the cause of many of the fears and insecurities I have today, and the fact that he cared to ask and wanted to know touched my heart. He could identify with me on this subject, and we got to talk about something I don't think either of us talks to just anyone about.

We made a stop at Tropical Smoothie and had smoothies for dinner. Then we were headed on our way to the church. Then the madness began. I think that Saturday night was a defining moment in my life. I knew from the beginning that if this night went well, then I would know what God really wanted me to do with my life. I know that i've wanted to work in the music industry, but then somewhere along the way this year, I suddenly became confused with what it was I was to do with my life. So there was that to be nervous for, and just the fact that this was the first event I ever planned.

Things were hectic in the beginning, but then they just started falling into place. Jesus was telling to me trust Him once again, and I did. If I had tried to do any of this on my own, I have no idea how it would have turned out. It may not have even happened. Well, in the end, the night turned out more amazing than I could have ever hoped for. I know what God wants me to do with my life, and I know that many people were blessed my Jason and his music on Saturday night. It will be something that I remember and cherish for a long time to come. I'm so grateful for the opportunity. I so look forward to having Jason come and play at my church again, once we are in our new building. I look forward to the many lessons God has to teach me, and what He has in store for my life. Thank you Jason for your kindness. I think I will only ever be able to tell you how much you and your wife mean to me once we get to Heaven.

Today is the day. I'm one big ball of emotions. It's going to be a wonderful day, though. I'm looking forward to hanging out with Jason today. I'm interested to see how everything comes together at the concert. To see if my hard work has paid off. I feel like this show is like a 'make-it or break-it' thing. If this show goes well, then i'm almost 100% positive that God has completely shown me what i'm supposed to do with my life. It's exciting and nerve-wrecking all at the same time. If you think of it, pray for this evening. I believe that God is painting a really beautiful picture here.

If you want to come, here's some info:
November 14th, 2009
Doors: 6:00 p.m.
Concert: 6:30 p.m.

1470 SE Huffman Rd. Port St. Lucie, FL 34952
Love offering will be taken up for Jason and his ministry.
Child care available.

Have a wonderful day!

the week of.

It's the week of the Jason Gray extravaganza at my church this weekend. I'm mostly excited, but also nervous. It's turned into a bigger event then I thought it would. People calling and emailing asking for information, constant advertisement on the radio, and still tying up loose ends with Jason coming. I think this will be a huge defining moment for me and what I am supposed to do with my life, depending on how it goes. This has been a wonderful opportunity to see a bit of what goes into planning a concert, and making it happen.

Also, this has been a great learning experience in my walk with God. He's been testing me, and seeing how strong my faith is, and how much I trust Him. It's been tough, but it's better that I do. In the end, i'll be grateful for it. There are times where I want to freak out and take things into my own hands, but I end up destroying myself in the end. My emotions are flying left and right, and I can feel my stomach twisting and turning. The latest loop that has been thrown my way has been completely different. I feel peace and completely understand that God's got it. This is not my concert, ultimately it is His.

I wish the thoughts and things that I want to blog about could immediately be transferred from my brain when I think them up. There is just so much I want to tell my small group of readers here. One thing at a time, I guess. Well, if you've stuck around for the past week, you should have read this. Also, If you follow me on twitter you may have already heard about it. If you haven't, this is your lucky day.

Jason Gray will be coming to my church, Grace Emmanuel Church, on Saturday November 14th, 2009. There! My secret is out, and does it feel good! This whole thing has come together in crazy time, and it's a lot to handle, but i'm doing a fine job. It's exciting to get to be the planner for the concert. It's my first experience like this, and I really enjoy it.

I'm also happy to report that my sleep schedule from all of this excitement is back to normal, because I know God's got it all under control. It's probably also because i've been super busy with all of this stuff and school and and and and...My life has suddenly gotten busy. Wasn't I just complaining about not having anything to do a couple weeks ago?