Some of you may have noticed that I haven't posted anything here for over a week.
Weird, right?

I know I'm known for going off the blogging map every now and again, so this is probably no surprise to some of you.

This time I went off the map for a reason that was more than just losing blogging momentum and not wanting to write.

At the beginning of last month (you know, because it's February now), I said that one of my goals for this year was to grow my blog. It sounded really great at the time, and it's always nice to know that there are people out there who care about what you're writing. It's nice to have people who come back every time you hit the "Publish" button. Especially if they leave you a shiny comment. Comments are like gold in this blogging world.. Everybody wants them, but only a select few get lots of them.

Why am I telling you all of this?
Because I started becoming addicted to the stats, the right blog content, the comments (leaving them or getting them). It started getting exhausting.

Not only that, but I kept coming across posts that talked about "blog fatigue". The bloggers were worn out from posting something every day, they were running out of content, their readers were becoming nasty towards them and the content they were posting, or their posts were becoming increasingly more shallow. All of those things scared me. I didn't want to become worn out, and I certainly didn't want people to send me hate mail because they disagreed with something I said.

So, what's happened since my last shallow post about the things I found on pinterest?
I've thought and thought about the way I've treated my blog over the past month. I've thought even more about my motives behind my writing and why I created a blog in the first place.

Why did I start writing? 

To write about the things that were on my heart, reflect the love of Christ, and maybe offer someone a word of encouragement when they needed it most.

I saw those things in my writings from 2009, and even 2008 when I started this blog. Who knew that my words could minister to me almost four years later? Not only did they take me back to where I was then, but my 18 year old self touched something deep within me that I had forgotten about.

That is why I write.
I write for me.
And I pray that you leave with something you didn't have when you came.

So what does that say for growing my blog? Well, I don't really care anymore. I want people to be here for the right reasons. I want people to read what I have to say because they care about what is going on in my life, not about that really nice magazine designed room that I'll never have. If new people find my blog then hey, that's great! And if I never gain another blog follower again, that's okay too. The people who are supposed to be here are here, and I'm grateful for the kindness that each of you has shown me. I'm blessed to call you friends. Thanks for sticking in there with me!

Kaitlyn

goals for the new year.

Resolutions are for the birds.

Seriously...who keeps those things?
I find that goals are better. I like goals a lot.
They are tangible and they give you something to reach for.

Since we're here talking about goals, I figured I'd share mine with you. Getting things out in the open makes me feel like people are keeping me accountable. Even if you don't tell me you are, I still like to think you are. Right? Right. So..let's get crackin' on these here goals for 2012.

Run: I announced on facebook that I'm looking into running a 5K, maybe more, this year. I'm a novice runner. Novice like...I run when I feel ambitious. I haven't felt ambitious since September. It's not just that I want to be in shape and use the body that God has given me to its full potential, it's that I was inspired by a good friend earlier in 2011. I saw her run her very first marathon. And finish it. It was truly inspiring, and it put inside me the desire to actually enter into some sort of organized run before I turn 80. I've had a very-rarely-ever-spoken-of goal of running a marathon for a few years now. If I don't do it now, then I WILL be 80 before I ever do it.

Plan: I want to plan another concert. I've been tossing the idea around for months now, have had a number of conversations with different people, and plans are finally taking shape. Music is my passion, and the last time I did this I was totally and completely in my element. It fueled my passion for the music business even more. Plus, I think it will be a good thing to keep my eyes set on what I'm going to school for. Why I spend hours upon hours in class and doing homework. Sometimes refocusing is good. Actually...refocusing is awesome. All the time.

Intentions: I want to be more intentional with my time. Last year I wrote a couple of posts about just that and it worked for a while, but after I came back from camp in August I forgot. Even though I still have that very same list hanging on my bulletin board. Not only do I not want to procrastinate, but I just want to waste less time. I'm so tired of being distracted by facebook and other fruitless things on the internet when I could be spending my time otherwise. Like blogging. And just pouring my energy into things that could help people. I'm way too selfish with my time, and I want to change that.

Refocus: My relationship with God was severely lacking the last half of 2011. There...I said it. I was in a funk that I'm still trying to get out of. I was being challenged in many different and difficult ways. It felt as though I was being pushed in every direction except the one that I needed to be going in. I want to refocus and get my eyes back on God and where He is leading me. If anything, I need His guidance now more than ever before. 2012 is going to be a big year of decisions and I need a lot of guidance and grace from the Lord. It's going to be a year of rigorous school work (I'll be taking classes straight through the summer on into the Fall), and deciding where I'll be transferring next Spring. I'm excited, scared, nervous. So...refocusing my eyes on God is the biggest one on this list. Once refocusing takes place, everything else will take shape.

On New Years Eve I couldn't help but feel nervous for the new year. I had this feeling of dread come over me, because I was very aware of the amount of classes I would be taking, the books I would be reading, the studying I would be doing. I'm still nervous and scared, but not as dreadful as I was 4 days ago. Maybe because I took some time to look ahead and make goals for myself and for this new year. I may have a heavy load of classes that all starts tomorrow morning at eight 'o clock in the morning, but that doesn't mean I can't do other things outside of studying. I need to bring glory to God and serve Him. I need to use my time and talents that He has given me to expand His kingdom.

So here's to goals. And a new year!

What are YOUR goals? Please share in the comments.

meet my new camera.

So, back over my spring break during my trip to Disney World, I had my handy dandy pink camera and it was awesome. Until a few days after my Disney World Shenanigans when my camera stopped working completely. Not really awesome when you have a month and a half left before you leave for three months to live and work out of state. I prayed a couple of times asking God to supply the funds to buy a new camera, and if He didn't it would be okay, and I would just cherish the memories that much more.

But then a sweet lady from my church offered to let me borrow her camera from the summer because she wanted to see my pictures and see what I was experiencing at camp. She walked up to me yesterday with a gift bag, and in it was a brand new camera. Seriously. She said that it was a total God thing, and I believe it.

Once I got home, I realized that there was a part to the camera missing, so I went to exchange it today but Walmart was sold out of all of the camera's because the deal was so hot. I was bummed. So I returned it, got the money back and was about to just walk out empty handed. But obviously, as you can see from the photo above, that wasn't the case. I called this wonderful lady up and let her know what was going on, she told me to keep the money and use half of my own to pay for a new camera.

So...here it is. It takes wonderful pictures, and I can't wait to experiment with it more while I'm in Minnesota. Here's the more colorful blog posts again, too! :-)

Once again, I am blown away by how intimately God knows us. Even if it just comes down to a silly camera. He's ALWAYS in the details.

monday musings.

Sometimes you just have days when you have no idea how they're going to go and where you'll end up at the end of the day. You know what I'm talking about? I totally had a day like that today. I knew I had to be to class at 11 a.m., would sit in on the study group after my class, and would end up doing some homework sometime during the day, but I didn't see it ending the way that it did. While I was waiting for my class to start I pulled my planner out and just started writing in things that I had to get done. I needed to read half of Othello by William Shakespeare, two chapters of my history text book, and I penned in a run. Because I knew that if I didn't do it it would stare me in the face for the rest of the week...and nag me because I didn't do it.

I spent six hours in my room reading. And went for a run that ended up being shorter than I had planned because I felt like I was going to throw up. But I finished most of what I wanted to for the day. Which feels great. I just want to be able to stay on top of all of my homework, and I really want my grades to reflect all of the hard work I'm putting in. 

I'm praying for a phone call this week and trusting that God will put me where He wants me. 

How was your Monday? What did you accomplish?

wednesday ramblings (better known as "i'm sitting in the library with over an hour to spare").

I have an hour and a half left until my next class starts, and I have absolutely nothing to do. I suppose that's not such a bad thing. That means that I have all of my homework done so far, except for the reading and note taking for my history class. That's a good place to be. I'm hoping that means I won't completely stress out tomorrow afternoon when I get out of class over all of the homework that I have to do over the weekend. It's nice to be in the middle of a week way less stressed than I was when I began it. Is that even possible? Is that really how life works? I suppose it is. Right now, atleast.

Tonight my brother and his girlfriend are coming over for a birthday dinner. My mom is cooking up some baked ziti, and throwing a salad together. It's his favorite, and I'm a big fan, too.

Last night I was having a conversation with my pastor's wife. She's awesome, and I always love talking to her. She said something along the lines of "Goals aren't meant to be road blocks, but guide posts." It was just what I needed to hear last night. I've been confused about what I'm to do for the summer, but I realized yesterday that my plans may not be what God's plans are. There isn't anything I want more than to be in the middle of God's total and complete will for my life. In order for that to happen, that may mean that I have to back off and let God work. I'm totally okay with that, too. Plus, right now it might be more fun to be where God wants me instead of where I want me. Seriously...camp is WAY more fun and exciting than taking four classes over the summer. Just sayin'. ;-)

Thank you for letting me ramble and for reading my silly nonsense.

How are you doing? Anything you want to ramble about? I'll listen. :-)

monday musings.

I woke up this morning with a daunting day ahead of me. I won't lie...I was dreading it. It felt like I had swallowed a rock. I had two meetings, a powerpoint presentation and a class to get through. I finished the powerpoint presentation in 45 minutes, made it to my class on time, scarfed down some lunch, met with my math teacher for 40 minutes, and met with my poetry group for about an hour. And I'm alive, my nerves are intact, and I'm grateful.

My Mom is the best. Ever.

My brothers turn 23 on Friday. I turn 21 in 2 1/2 months. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The dance teams performance over the weekend was amazing. I'm so excited about the things that are happening with the team right now. God is doing amazing things. 

Organic tortilla chips are the bomb. Seriously.

So was the chocolate on top of chocolate on top of chocolate cupcake I just ate. Only in honor of Valentine's day. 

Last week I had a rough week in school, but this week I'm going to turn it around. 

I'm totally wearing bright pink pajamas right now in celebration of Valentine's Day. 

some of my faves right now.

1. The weather. It's gorgeous in South Florida today. Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. 

2. Water. I drink it all day every day. Just can't get enough.

3. The shake I had this morning before I took my first History test,

4. The Little Red House. You will find yummy desserts, hilarious stories, and generally someone who is just living life well. 

5. My H&M hoodie.
6. These shoes. I've had them since before last summer and wear them regularly throughout the week.

7. The fact that our bathroom will be done in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited to have my own bathroom again!

8. Aftershock Dance. That's the dance team I'm a part of. We're getting ready for our first performance this Saturday!

9. Summer Harms' blog. She was my first favorite blogger. I'm sure you'll find something you'll love. 

10. The fact that flowers are blooming and I can see them out of every single one of our windows.

11. All of you lovely people. You're all my favorite.

What are your favorites?

make a list!

(My ever growing list.)

Last week I wrote about my little problem.

I asked for help, and you guys delivered.

Thank you SO much!

You guys are the best!

It's nice to know you're not alone in the world sometimes, you know?

Last week I talked about having a plan of attack, and today I am here to deliver it to you. Ready? Okay! (I think I just went all cheerleader on you...)

After I walked away from that Thursday dance practice, I was kind of embarrassed. Why couldn't I just get myself together? I mean, for real.

I knew that I needed to do something about it, so the next day I made a list. That list included things that should do every day that don't even take that long (except for my ongoing mountain of homework).

One of the things that I wanted to accomplish when I made this list was not being caught with my heart in my stomach. You know the feeling you get when you realize you forgot to do something? Like when you walk into your English class and realize you forgot to read a story and it feels like time is speeding up? Yeah...that. You KNOW what I'm talking about.

 I stress myself out all the time over things that I COULD have done in plenty of time. (Like studying for my History test that I have tomorrow...). I'll have enough time to study tomorrow morning, right? Uhm...anyway...moving on...

I figured making a tiny list would be a good start. I'm already considering adding more to it. I mean, I finished almost all of the things on my list today, and it's been that way ever since I made it. I have no excuses not to do it when I see the list in front of my face every time I sit at my desk. Just in case you were wondering, I sit at my desk a lot...

The biggest thing I wanted to accomplish through this was using my time wisely. Being a follower of Christ, I need to be a good steward of my time. I only have one life to live to the glory of God, I need to live everyday like it's my last. I need to spread His love and grace to people around me every chance I get, right? I realized that if I'm sitting around, wondering how things will get done and not putting any work in to get it done, I'm being stagnant. And if you think about, there's no time to be stagnant these days. The more I watch the news and see the things going on around me, the more I realize how many people need Jesus every day.

This whole "make a list" thing is so much more than just trying to be more productive. It's living my life to the fullest extent because I don't know how long I have to live on this Earth. I better live every day like it's my last. I want my life to glorify God in every aspect. In healthy eating, time management, and generally just letting my life glorify God.

Are you up for making a list and seeing where God takes you with it?

I see people every day who work hard and do everything they need to get done. I often wonder if everyone out in the world is like that. Like they've got all of their stuff together. It doesn't take long for me to realize that's not true...

Meet...me.

(Hi there!) 

When most people see me walking around at my college campus, they see me with my books falling out of my arms or my bag spilling over with them. The picture you would see of one of those nerdy types who's always pushing up their glasses. 

I was recently told by a classmate that I was an over achiever. Oh, if he only knew...


Because there's this other Kaitlyn who does things like this...

(Photo taken while attempting to write an essay.)

It might be my biggest downfall.
You're probably wondering what exactly that is...right? 

Well, I procrastinate. A LOT. I sit around and do nothing hoping that maybe, just maybe, my homework and other duties will miraculously be done when I turn around. Only to have the work pile and the messes pile up around me. 

This is something I've struggled with ever since I was young. I remember when I was in elementary school, I would go out and play with my friends instead of doing my homework, which later turned into bad grades, getting grounded, and not being able to go to ballet practice. 

Today I am distracted by other things. Mostly the internet, which is the stupidest thing ever. My procrastination doesn't necessarily lead to bad grades (because I know the consequences weigh heavier now if I don't get my work done before the next class), but it sure does lead to chaos and unwanted stress around me.

As I've mentioned a couple of times on this handy dandy blog, the hip-hop dance team I'm a part of is reading through the bible together this year. We have certain verses to read every day of the week and we discuss them at our next practice. For the past two weeks it's been a huge struggle trying to juggle my homework, duties around my house, and keeping up with my verses. It was a lot, and I shut down. I sat there last Thursday night with the team and I had only read one day for that week. ONE DAY! How the heck is that even cool? Not only is it not cool, but I wasn't being spiritually fed for the whole week. 

More embarrassingly, the only thing i had to show for it was excuse on top of excuse.I felt like I was back in the 4th grade scrounging around for some sort of explanation that I wasn't going to find. 

I can hear my mom saying it now "Take responsibility for your own actions, Kaitlyn." 

(My mom's words to me from when I was younger haunt me every day now, but that's another story for a different day.)

I left practice last Thursday with a plan of attack. A plan of action. Whatever you want to call it. I prefer attack. It sounds more...aggressive. Like I'm really going to get things done around here.

Friday morning I made a list. Very similar to the one above, but without the "sit and wait until it gets itself done...". I don't want to walk back into dance practice on Thursday night unprepared. I want to be able to walk in there and be able to raise my hand when asked if I did all of my reading and exercising for the week. And dang it...

I will!

Another post will be coming shortly that includes my plan of attack. 

Stay tuned!

Do you struggle with distractions? How do you get rid of them? 

monday musings.

Happy Monday, friends!Today I...

...went to my American History class and almost fell asleep. Oopsies!
...ate like a horse. My appetite is insane lately!
...read my bible to continue my goal of reading through the bible in a year.

...did my 15 sets of push-ups, crunches and some other weird leg lifty thing.

...made a marinade for our steak tonight. It is called "the only marinade you'll ever need". I can testify to that.
...finished a paper for English that's due tomorrow. (have i mentioned that I procrastinate? a lot? AND! William Faulkner has a very creepy mind. At least he wrote good stories...)
...picked herbs out of the garden, but accidentally pulled weeds in the process. They didn't end up in our marinade. Promise.
...kept up with this series on youtube. I think what they're doing is amazing!

What do you have to look forward to this week?

Giving away The Penpal Project.

If you're like me, you love getting mail. Especially hand-written mail. I'm talking the good old envelope, notebook paper, and a stamp slapped on the front. While I was away at camp I averaged a good 1-2 letters a week, and would then sit down at a picnic table overlooking the lake, and would write my own letter to send out a few days later. It's old fashioned, but I enjoy the anticipation of receiving a letter in the mail, ripping the envelope open, and drinking in the words on the page with my eyes. Even to this day. A month after being back home in Florida, I still find myself writing letters to people (I currently have one that needs to be written and sent out).

My favorite blogger, Summer Harms, collaborated with another blogger friend and made these beautiful post cards with their very own photography on them. They are the neatest things I've seen in a long time. What better way to receive a letter then to open up your mailbox to this beauty? Well, good news my friends! You have an opportunity to win these in a blog give-away on Living the Swell Life. Go ahead! Don't be shy. I entered because I want to send my snail mail in simply beautiful style!

thank you!

just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to all of my followers. it has made my day to find that new people are interested in what i have to say. thank you, my friends! things like that are what make me come back here and want to blog. i'm honored that you all find what i'm writing worth your time. thank you! thank you!

two blogs in one day? i'm on a roll!
started watching Julie and Julia last night, didn't finish it, so i started over and finished it tonight. such a delightful movie. Julia Child mastered the art of cooking, and Julie Powell mastered the art of blogging through her cooking. it was quite the inspiring little film, if i do say so myself.

you see...lately i've been feeling this desire to learn how to cook and this movie just pushed me a little further in that direction. i'm 19, i'll be turning twenty in four months. 2009 was a big year for me. i feel as if it was the year of becoming a young adult. i shed my teenage skin and moved into the young adult phase of my life, and now that it has happened, it's time to start learning how to cook.

as for the blogging, well..it's becoming more and more enjoyable for me to do. sometimes i feel as if no one is reading and that it can be a waste of my time. i'm grateful for my small group of readers and i'm glad that what i write seems interesting to people. i can only hope that what i write will touch someone. that my blog is a direct reflection of the way i live my life with God by my side. that He speaks to someone through my little spot on the internet.

will update you on the status of my cooking adventures, and how many times i burn the rice. just kidding...i know how to cook rice. :-)

late nights. early mornings.

This week has been an extremely weird week for my sleep schedule. I've had a lot going on inside this brain of mine all week long. At night, I have a really difficult time falling asleep, I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times, tossing and turning. Then I pop awake at the crack of dawn and my mind just keeps going. Not only that, but my neighbors thought it would be a brilliant idea, and be super cool to play basketball at 6:45 almost every morning this week, before school? Really? I mean...really!?!

So needless to say, i've had a terrible time with my sleep this week. I have dark circles under my eyes and I feel utterly exhausted, because I am, but I cannot for the life of me turn my brain off. The only decent night of sleep I got was last night. Probably because I sat in a classroom and did math for three straight hours. I was fried out of my mind.

I laid in bed for almost an hour tonight, praying for about 45 minutes of that time, and could not fall asleep. I usually pray myself to sleep every night. Well, obviously not this time, because i'm awake. Writing this blog. After midnight. Oh, precious sleep, how I miss thee.

All of this to say, that I may have some super exciting news to share with you lovely people in a couple of days. Which is why my brain just won't.shut.off. If you follow me in twitter, you may have seen me dropping hints here and there about having a little known secret. Well, you may find out soon. I'll keep you updated! :-)

I just added this little thing to my technology adventure. Or something like that. My Dad bought me my very own laptop for my 18th birthday/graduation. I was pretty ecstatic when my Dad called me over the phone and told me about it. The kids I was babysitting were laughing at me and I didn't care one bit. So, I've been having tons of fun with my new lappy for the past few days. It came at a fabulous time too. My step-siblings are here for five weeks, and I'm still not quite done with all of my school work for my senior year. So now i can sit in the peace and quiet of my bedroom and do my school work and also just have some time to myself too.

Now I think I'm finally getting a hang of this whole blogging thing. I'm figuring out how to work it and set it up. I'm excited. So hopefully you'll be seeing more from me. I'm interested to see where this goes later on down the road. :-)

Rain, Cleaning and other things..

Today was a surprisingly busy day for me. I kept myself busy for the remainder of the day, which is probably why i'm blogging at 11:00 p.m. I was busy with school all morning/early afternoon, cleaned and did laundry for almost five hours. From 4:30 to 9:15 I was cleaning and doing laundry and everything like that. I'm still not done either! We are having company over throughout the weekend for Memorial Day, so that's what all this cleaning is for. I have to do my fair share today and tomorrow so I can go to church on Sunday. My Aunt is coming tomorrow evening and staying over night. So that means i'm lending my bedroom to her. On Sunday we will be having all of my family from my Mom's side coming over for an afternoon of barbequing and fun stuff like that. Hopefully my Grandma will be able to make it over, but that all depends on how she feels with her pain level from the chemo.
Today we got some more much needed rain. It was a very good rain too. Our backyard started getting very big puddles in it, which isn't a bad thing with how dry everything is. We need alot more rain to put out all of these fires. Hopefully things will start looking semi-pretty again around here. Green is better than brown! :-)
I'm still trying to get the hang of this blogging thing. I like it alot. But i'm trying to figure out how I can make it interesting.