Interpretating "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis.

**This was for an assignment I wrote for my literature class. Please, if you do not completely agree with something that I am saying here, let all of our discussions point back to God in the end. Thank you.** 

1.

In C.S. Lewis’s “A Grief Observed” he is writing through his own personal hellish pain and grief as a result of losing the love of his life. Through Lewis’s grieving he is asking hard questions about the goodness of God, and how He could remain pure, noble, and true if He has the power to take away the people who are closest to us. Lewis writes about the characteristics of God from a different perspective and scope than we are all used to. C.S. Lewis said that God has the characteristics that all living and breathing human beings “regard as bad: unreasonableness, vanity, vindictiveness, injustice, cruelty.” C.S. Lewis also talks about the depravity that is within all people that makes these hard characteristics of God look like “blacks”. Lewis says that it is not that they are actually blacks, but “our depravity that makes them look black to us.”

2.

To begin with, this part of C.S. Lewis’s “A Grief Observed” was quite perplexing to me as I read it for the first time. Not so perplexing that makes it so I cannot understand it, but perplexing in the sense that is it theologically deep. What C.S. Lewis is saying is understandable once it is read the first time through, but it seems as though a little bit more attention needs to be called to what C.S. Lewis is trying to say to the reader, and quite possibly, what he is saying to himself as the writer. When C.S. Lewis writes about some characteristics that God possesses as being “bad”, it seems as though it may be mandatory for the reader to stop for a while and look at the God of the universe through a different lens.

3.

This excerpt is about being called to look at God through a different lens. It is true that God is good, loving and sovereign. However, I believe that C.S. Lewis is calling us to look past all of the magical and mystical qualities of God and see Him as a being that is truly all powerful who holds the ability to unleash His wrath upon His people. Beyond that, C.S. Lewis is challenging us to not see these qualities of God as negative, but rather, to look at them as qualities that are still good, noble, and true.

          
As human beings we cannot fathom qualities such as “unreasonableness, vanity, vindictiveness, injustice, cruelty” as qualities that God could possess. We struggle to wrap our minds around the possibility that God holds these qualities in his hands. We have always been taught in Sunday school and in church that God is good, and that he always has our best interest in mind. Our brains have been trained to view God as a being that can only bring good things to His followers. Perhaps this is why, when something “bad” happens, believers struggle to believe that this could possibly be from the hands of God. When we experience any sort of tragedy in our own lives we automatically turn to God – not for help. Instead, we cry out to God and shake our fist at the sky and utter this question, “How could you do this? Why?” We take our heartbreak and blame the God of the universe for our pain. All of our beliefs about God being a good God are flipped and we begin questioning if God is even there.

           

 Perhaps, it is due to our Sunday school teachings on the goodness of God that cause us to see God this way, at least in part. As human beings, we’ve always grown to know that if someone loves us they will show us through kindness and tenderness. Not through taking loved ones from our lives or cruelty from people we have always believed loved us. C.S. Lewis says that our depravity is what causes us to see “whites” as “blacks”, which is what causes us to view the grief in our lives as bad. It may not be until we see Jesus face to face that we will be able to fully understand this in full, but it might do us some good to try and view God through a different lens than what we have always known.

4.

The details in the text that point to the reading I have just given include C.S. Lewis’s musings on the possibility of humans viewing God as a being with characteristics that are viewed as “bad” as an excuse to completely write God off. This directs us back to our depravity, and our inability to view God as a being who possesses characteristics that could potentially hinder us on purpose. Not only that, but it also shows us that we have this one sided view of God in our minds and that we are practically incapable of getting past this one specific viewpoint of God. We want to know in our hearts and in our minds that God is and always has been good, and that he would never do anything to harm us. If we decided to give our lives to a God who was wrathful and cruel, would we really want to be associated with a being who possesses these qualities? I am not so sure.

5.

What does this mean for us as the readers? I think it is important that we become aware of our attitudes toward who we say God is and who we believe God to be. It is simple to go to God with our problems, but when something in our lives goes haywire we reject the goodness of God. Maybe viewing God differently than what we have always known may do us some good, and might help us to understand the work of God in our lives. Not only that, but it may help us to grieve better, and to trust God’s presence in our lives better. It may teach us to not put God in a box. Instead, we can learn and keep in mind that God is a very powerful being. He has the power to drop a hurricane in the ocean, and he has the power to take loved ones from us. This does not discount His goodness, but it is a reminder to us that He does possess qualities that we never thought He did. We need to constantly be reminded that God loves us, but sometimes His love is just like that of the parents who raised us. He puts trials in our lives because He loves and cares for us. We need to hold on and trust in this God who is wrathful, beautiful, cruel, and loving because He still holds us in the palm of His hand. He cares for us.

           

           

           

whoa!

Whew! There is so much going on! Once again, I'm so sorry about the blogging break. It was unintentional, but life just got so crazy!

I just finished the spring semester yesterday, and couldn't be more grateful that it's over. Finals were actually pretty spectacular, and went way more smoothly than I had expected. I'm not sure of any of my grades yet and won't until Tuesday, but I am just so thrilled that it's over and will be grateful with whatever the outcome is. This semester was intense, so I'm ecstatic to have a break of some sort for a few weeks. 

My mom, step-dad and I made plans to head up to Northern Florida this coming Thursday to Sunday to camp and spend time with each other before I leave, but some plans have changed and we're leaving this Sunday to drive up to Jacksonville for a few days. My step-dad has a training that he has to attend, so we're staying in a hotel and my mom and I are going to explore Jacksonville and spend some good time together, just the two of us. Then on Thursday we'll head to Gainesville for some doctor's appointments for my mom and then we'll have our camping trip. It's kind of crazy, but I'm sure it will be an enjoyable time. I'm pretty much just tagging along, but we'll have fun. I know it. :-)

I'm leaving for Minnesota in 25 days, which I'm realizing more and more that the time is just speeding up, and I'll really be out of here sooner than I can say "I'm going to Minnesota!". Yesterday when I finished my last class I want wondering how I would be able to fill up the time before I left, and trying to make plans to hang out with friends. Now with finding out that I'll be out of town for a whole week out of the three and a half that are left before I leave, I just hope I have enough to declutter my room before the big fly out day.

In no way am I complaining. I'm grateful to be able to get out of town for a little while, and to spending time with my family. I love them dearly, and can't wait to explore Jacksonville with my momma! 

Well, there's a quick life update (sort of). Hopefully I'll be able to find time to sit down and write again a few more times in the next three weeks...

monday happiness # 3.

 

My Monday happiness is a bit more than Monday happiness. It's more like Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday happiness. Which, by the way, I'm really grateful that I can say. I've felt like such a Negative Nancy lately, even though I know that God is doing amazing things in my life right now, and I can clearly see the many ways that He is blessing me daily. I don't know, maybe I've just been so caught up in my head lately. I've certainly been thinking way too hard. 

Anyway, Saturday I had the opportunity to take my Grandma out to lunch. I don't know why, but I was just especially cheery for no reason. Then I heard Jason Gray's newest single "I Am New" for the first time on the radio. Then I was especially cheery for a reason. :-)

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to drive 2.5 hours north to see Andrew Peterson in concert for the first time. It was such a wonderful show. A great night of storytelling about the greatest story of them all. I also got to meet up with some good friends in Ormond Beach. We got to geek out about music the whole night. It's weekends like this past weekend that really make me realize how much of a music junkie I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Today, though I was very much lacking in the sleep department, I still managed to have a great day. It might have a little something to do with the fact that I found out I finished my English class with a B. Meaning I had to have done way better on my argumentative essay on pirating music then I had originally thought. I feel like a dork now, because that paper caused me so much anxiety. I think I had nightmares about it and came close to hyperventilating a few times.

Also, we finally got cold weather. Cold for a Floridians standards, anyway. It has been so beautiful the past few days. That always does my heart, mind, and soul some good. 

I just feel like I was fed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally this weekend.

good news is the best kind of news...and i have good news. today while at school i had a little mini appointment with the facilitator. i am now ready to get my GED. yes! yes! yes! it has been a long time coming, and i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. finally! this experience has been amazing. it started out as the worst possible thing i thought that could happen to me. now, i'm finishing it with my head held high, leaving, and knowing that it was the best thing for me. funny how that works. i've come a long way, and i can say with confidence that i'm proud of myself.

taking a few minutes to write up a quick little blog before i head out to church to teach 5-7 year olds.

i took my test last night and was really not feeling too hot about how i did. my brain was still pretty foggy from being sick all last week, and got beat up pretty bad on monday from the math monster. today i got my results, and i am happy to say i went up from a 7.6 on the medium level to an 8.2 on the difficult level. apparently that's really good for the difficult level, because it's a lot harder than the medium. i'm pleased with it. i probably could have done better, had i more time to review before i went into it, but i'm happy. i have to take the TABE test again after i do a bit more work, and i'm almost positive that it will get me into the GED prep class. it's all good news.

also went out on the job hunt for a couple hours today. walked in and out of businesses to see if they were hiring and now have a stack of applications that need filling out. we'll see how it goes. if you think of it, pray for that. i've been searching for a job since august, and have come up unsuccessful. sincerely hoping that one of these will be the one. having a car makes it a lot easier. i know God has got it all under control and it will come all in his timing.

gotta run! have a great night!

well, my head cold seems to have found out that i am done with it. still coughing quite a bit, but i'm not going to let that bring me down. been laying around for about a week now, and i'm done with it. ready to get back out there and finish up my class. i didn't do any practice or anything while i was out of school for vacation, so we'll see how it goes when i get back into the swing of things. hoping that it all just comes back to me naturally, but it has been almost a month since i've done one ounce of math, and i am testing tomorrow, i think. we'll just have to see. praying that it's no big deal and that i get through with no problem.

cold weather seriously wrecks me. as much as i love it, it makes my nose run constantly, making me feel like i have a head cold, makes my poor hands dry out and crack. lotion is not my friend, either. especially if it is greasy. hate that feeling. guess i'll learn to deal with it.

i won't let this get me down, though. it's my last few days of vacation. i go back to school on wednesday. before i know it, i'll have my GED and i'll be ready to start college. the end of vacation and the beginning of school is always something that is bittersweet. i'm just grateful i was able to get a vacation this year. it had been three years since i had a vacation. it's so nice to feel like a normal 'student'. to get breaks when everyone else gets them. normalcy is sometime one of the most beautiful things.

tuesday thoughts.

After starting my four-day-a-week class at the college, I have had a lot less time to enjoy great and wonderful thing. Especially things that inspire me, or that I enjoy greatly. Not only that, but i've had a lot going on with that secret of mine, trying to straighten out the last details before I do any revealing. Don't worry, though, you'll find out probably this week sometime. It's fun having a secret. It's even better when the extreme excitement has worn off and you finally get to sleep at night. Beautiful sleep all the way through the night. For instance, I got 11 hours last night. Can't even remember the last time I did that.

I'm seriously feeling bummed out about our weather patterns here in good old Florida. I walked outside this morning and wanted to die. For real. Humidity sucks the fun out of everything. It's almost November and we have only had one cool/cold front. This better not be one of those abnormally warm "winters". I'd be super bummed. The cooler weather keeps me going and brings my soul to life. I just can't deal with not having a winter.

My college class is going well. It consists of mostly math, because that's what needs to be worked on the most. I'm realizing that my problem here is that my brain just needs to be refreshed. For the most part I know what i'm doing, but there are little things here and there that I have forgotten in order for me to get the correct answer for a problem. Once the teacher shows me what i've done wrong, I immediately figure it out and dominate the lessons. It's much easier after having learned this stuff once in my life before.

Ah, well, just my Tuesday Thoughts, I guess. Have a beautiful day!

Rain, Cleaning and other things..

Today was a surprisingly busy day for me. I kept myself busy for the remainder of the day, which is probably why i'm blogging at 11:00 p.m. I was busy with school all morning/early afternoon, cleaned and did laundry for almost five hours. From 4:30 to 9:15 I was cleaning and doing laundry and everything like that. I'm still not done either! We are having company over throughout the weekend for Memorial Day, so that's what all this cleaning is for. I have to do my fair share today and tomorrow so I can go to church on Sunday. My Aunt is coming tomorrow evening and staying over night. So that means i'm lending my bedroom to her. On Sunday we will be having all of my family from my Mom's side coming over for an afternoon of barbequing and fun stuff like that. Hopefully my Grandma will be able to make it over, but that all depends on how she feels with her pain level from the chemo.
Today we got some more much needed rain. It was a very good rain too. Our backyard started getting very big puddles in it, which isn't a bad thing with how dry everything is. We need alot more rain to put out all of these fires. Hopefully things will start looking semi-pretty again around here. Green is better than brown! :-)
I'm still trying to get the hang of this blogging thing. I like it alot. But i'm trying to figure out how I can make it interesting.