joy in simplicity.

for the past week or so i've been feeling kind of funky. not really knowing what is going on inside my head. i hate it when this happens every few months or so, because i feel like i'm helpless. like i'm stuck. i start trying to find things to do, to keep the wheels in my head from spinning. not knowing what is going on is my least favorite thing. i can't really talk to anyone about it, because i don't even know what's going on. i can't find words to describe when i go through things like this. it becomes hard for me to ask people to pray for me, because i don't know what i need prayer for. i sit and rack my brain for reasons why i'm feeling this way, and i can't figure it out.

here is what it all comes down to. my life is not actually mine. it doesn't belong to me. it belongs to my Creator. He is the one who carefully orchestrates every detail of my life. every step i take. i'm a human, and i have many human-like tendencies. i want so badly to have control over my life, but seeing people around me who do that, i know it's not the right way to go. my life is better with God by my side. the only thing i can do is cling to the One who knows what is going to happen next. trust that it is all under control, and that God is working His magic on my life and where He wants me next.

i've got a little story for you guys.
the last time i felt this way was mid-october. i was cleaning my bathroom, when i started wondering what was going on. why i was feeling this way. i was feeling stuck, like i wasn't going anywhere. felt as if i was at a stand still. so i started day dreaming, if you would like to call it that. while scrubbing my toilet, i started thinking of things i would like to have happen. thinking "man, it would be super cool if my favorite musician just contacted me right here, right now, asking me if i wanted to have him come to my church." well, what do you know? two days later i woke up to an e-mail in my inbox from none other than jason gray. wanna take a wild guess at what he was contacting me about? yeah, he wanted to know if my church would be interested in having him come play a show in a few short weeks.

what i'm trying to say is this. after that 'incident' i realized that these funks are perfectly planned out by God. that these are Him preparing me for something big. telling me that i need to trust Him through these times, because i'm going to have to trust Him even more for what he's got coming to me. it's always a scary process and it wears me out. i lose sleep, and i just can't turn my brain off. i still have no idea what this one is about. what he's preparing me, but i have a feeling i'm going to be thrown into it pretty soon. i think some light was shed on it a little bit today. but guys, please pray for me if you think about it. it's been a long week, and i've got a lot going on right now. i would appreciate it so much if you would pray that i keep my mind focused. these funks are like a battle between God and satan in my head. it may sound weird to you, but it's true. thank you so much. if you've read this far, you are golden. i appreciate every single one of you!